she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize