She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize