What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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