I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize