arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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