GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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