If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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