I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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