I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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