i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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