can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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