I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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