But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
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recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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