You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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