She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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