omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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