just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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