So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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