Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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