you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize