i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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