Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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