He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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