I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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