Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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