This is not my ceiling
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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