Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize