life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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