Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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