I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize