He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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