fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize