You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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