hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize