He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize