I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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