I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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