they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize