is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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