How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize