She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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