I got chris browned last night
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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