He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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