And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize