I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize