I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize