Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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