Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize