who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
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Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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