She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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