Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
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I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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